As children when we were angry, many of us were treated with disapproval by our parents. We were punished and sent to our rooms or even physically reprimanded (spanking, hitting). Our care givers were not able to deal with our strong feelings so they did what was shown to them by their own parents. Now having children of our own many of us don’t know how to cope with our children’s anger. In turn, our reactions have become a lesser and more watered down version of our parents reactions. Like a song playing on repeat.

As children we learned that anger is not acceptable and it is best kept inside. If we didn’t keep it inside we would be punished and if we did keep it inside there was approval or a reward. “Oh aren’t you a good boy or girl” “What a good child” are some examples of this.

Important points:
· The way we deal with anger is similar to what we were taught.
· Even though we think that we are “different” than our parents. If we look closely enough we will see how we mimic what was done to us.
· As children, many people were punished for anger or rewarded for withholding anger.
· Our society is a punishment and reward centered. While punishments and rewards are effective they do not foster self esteem and self worth.

Warmly,

Ashley Ryan
P.S. Would you like to know why children bite and hit and what you can do about it? Stay Tuned…